Breaking the Cycle of Generational Trauma: Parental Burnout and Support for Mums in London

Generational Trauma has been a hot topic in our workshops and the discussions have been endless. Sometimes it can be used to decipher why you are the way you are and if you can make changes by discovering how it affects us in parenthood.

When I talk about generational trauma, I don’t talk about it in the Google search sense of the term, which will bring up trauma that has happened to a race or a country as a whole. I talk about trauma that has been carried through independently from one generation of caregivers to the next, creating a cycle of abuse.

Hello, my name is Sima Rahman-Huang, I have two children aged 9 and 11. I am in event management and run a creative wellness organisation, managing events and workshops across London.

Sima Rahman-Huang, her family and art therapy

Me, Myself and I

Over the past 8 years I have been on a mental and physical health and wellness journey which has brought me to where I am today. I have lived through mental health issues in my family my whole life.

It took me a while to realise that I had issues buried deep in my subconscious which slowly started to resurface and become apparent after I had my children. I was remembering painful memories of dealing with a schizophrenic parent and the neglect I suffered from my mother as she was raising not just 6 children by herself, but also had to be a carer for her spouse. I held on to a lot of resentment and hurt towards my parents, and the major character flaws that were prominent in them have now become a trigger for me when I see or feel them in others.

Growing up we didn’t get hugs or told ‘I love you’ by our parents.

My childhood in a way was extremely emotionally charged with reactional feelings from family dynamics and yet so emotionally disconnected from immediate family members at the same time. I grew up in a paradox of contradictions, a world of toxic traits and abusive behaviour, and to some extent some of this still exists today.

Hurt people hurt people, and without the proper help we go on to damage others and our children. Generational trauma is a toxic cycle but it can be broken.

As mothers we neglect ourselves, and our self-care either comes last or is non-existent. My constant preaching to parents is if mums are unable to take care of themselves first before anyone else, how can you expect them to be the best version of themselves for their children?

The Trauma

I was noticing toxic parental traits in myself that were similar to my mother’s, and it was festering in guilt and hatred for myself. This had to change.

Therapy helped me go on a path to self-discovery. It changed my life; it changed me as a person. But being brutally honest, it was one of the toughest things I have had to do. My first few sessions felt pointless and were extremely painful to sit through. I also felt like they weren’t helping me, but I kept going and before I knew it, I felt like I was actually going to be okay.

Working on myself is ongoing. I am far from healed, but I have worked hard to get to where I am now. Looking after my mental health hasn’t always been easy (I was assessed and diagnosed with suffering from childhood trauma and depression) but after having therapy and working on myself, I am able to create boundaries, avoid triggers, manage relationships in a healthier way, and find acceptance in day-to-day things. We can’t control everyone or everything, but we can manage how we conduct ourselves and who we let into our lives. We can also be more consciously aware of how we are raising our children.

The Therapy

CBT or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy isn’t for everyone, but it is known to be a highly successful method. I decided to train in talking therapies, specialising in the CBT method, to integrate that into my creative workshops.

Sometimes all you need is some time to be creative and completely switch off, and then ask yourself the right questions to create some reflection and reprogram the way you think. We can’t be told how to be better, but we can be given the right tools to do the work ourselves and learn how to be better. You just have to be ready to put the work in first.

The Help

I wrote this piece pondering whether to be very open and honest about my painful childhood and whilst writing I realised it’s not about me divulging my most painful personal experiences growing up, but more so about my journey and how I got to where I am. This in itself is the pinnacle of this article and why I do what I do and why I am so passionate about my work.

The parental wellbeing workshops (The Mindful Parent Hub) were born from two strangers who met with different but unique skillsets. Sharing the same goals in life as mothers, but coming from completely different backgrounds and life experiences, we complemented each other so well; our workshops reflect this in every way.

If you are struggling as a parent, whether it is with childhood trauma or the parenting load in general, feeling like you need an escape, some time for yourself, or a little help and support in your journey of parenthood, come speak to us.

If you have got this far and you’re still reading, firstly thank you, and secondly, I would love to hear from you!

You can find out more on: www.artistsapothecary.com / hello@artistsapothecary.com

I would also recommend checking out the following links:

• If you want one-to-one coaching specialising in parental burnout:
  https://www.gemmadeanlifecoaching.com

• For one-to-one therapy, Bea Vance, Psychotherapist, Hypnotherapist and  Coach
  https://beatribetherapy.com/?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAachv1DgbQ171GnweWVM7zUaZfu0JOt_N5OTMtYQSFzrBMxKfLchdtvLT8o9Mg_aem_ywG72zT9U6ab6BrtQOHPSw

• Read about the different types of therapy you can get:
  https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/types-of-talking-therapies
  https://www.healthline.com/health/types-of-therapy
  https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/talking-therapy-and-counselling/types-of-talking-therapy/

Lastly, if you would like to join The Mindful Parent WhatsApp group you can request to do so here:
https://chat.whatsapp.com/H283xUVYVAbCSFVl80PvRA

Meet Sima at The Big MOB Mum Meetup

Sima will be joining us, along with her Co-founder of The Mindful Parent Hub, Gemma Dean, at The Big MOB Mum Meetup on Friday 5 September for a powerful panel talk on parental burnout. If this resonates with you, come along, connect, and leave with practical strategies to protect your wellbeing. RSVP here: Eventbrite link.

What is The Big MOB Mum Meetup?

The Big MOB Mum Meet-up is London’s ultimate free weekly hangout for mums. It’s a reminder that YOU are important. Carve out time each week to rebuild, connect, and leave energised. Whether that’s with your laptop doing some co-working, listening to our weekly guest speaker, or just enjoying a coffee and a chat with like-minded mums who get it, you’ll find space and support here.

About Mums Who Build

Mums Who Build is a grassroots movement and community for mums who want more -  whether that’s launching a business, shaping a career, or reclaiming financial independence. Our three pillars are wellbeing, connection, and financial fitness, because we believe these are the foundations for building a life on your own terms.

We host weekly mum meetups, skills workshops, and networking events in Walthamstow, with monthly gatherings in Crouch End and Stoke Newington. This September, we’re expanding to Notting Hill and growing our online membership, MOB+ designed for mums who are serious about growth. 

MOB+ gives you exclusive access to resources, collaborations, and opportunities to accelerate your business or career, connect with mentors, and build the financial confidence you need to thrive.

Find out more about why we exist and what drives us on our Our Why page.