“I had one of my biggest weeks… so why didn’t I feel great?”

Written By Kim Stokes, Life Coach for Working Mums

These last couple of weeks, on paper, look like a success.

I pitched my idea to Simon Squibb’s Doorbell of Dreams on International Women’s Day.

Kim won £1,000 and half an hour of mentoring with entrepreneur Simon Squibb after pitching her business at his now-famous “doorbell”.

“I wore the shower cap because I wanted to make it clear that self-kindness isn’t about bubble baths and spa days,” she says. “It’s about redefining what success means on your own terms.”

The next day, I was tagged in his story saying I’d WON. WTAF?!?!

In a good dose of irony, this happened at the school gates while I was mid-screech and my son was showing me the Easter cross he’d made from palm leaves and telling me it was the best in class.

Later that day, I got a notification that Simon Squibb had started following me. Then a voice note. Errr… what?!

£1,000 into my Kindness For Success account. A diary invite for a coaching call. My story picked up by the press. A whole bunch of new followers. Lots of lovely messages, invitations and collaboration requests.

Wow.

The kind of week that, from the outside, looks like:

“You must feel amazing. Are you still on cloud nine?!”

And yes… excitement, disbelief, pride.

And also…

Overwhelm. Discombobulation (still one of my favourite words). And a VERY loud running commentary in my head telling me what I should be doing.

• I should be making the most of this.

• I should be following up faster.

• I should be more visible.

• I should feel more confident.

• I should feel successful.

• I should be more grateful for this validation.

And this is where I had a bit of an uncomfortable realisation.

When I talk about self-kindness, particularly the “being” side of it, I’ve fallen short.

I’ve been shoulding myself.

I haven’t been emotionally checking in.

I’ve been comparing myself more than usual.

I haven’t given myself time or space to process how I actually feel.

I’ve been reacting.

And honestly? I haven’t felt great.

At first, I thought it was just the come down. You know the one. The adrenaline, the excitement, the attention, and then the drop.

But this felt like more than that.

And I think it’s in these moments, the pivotal ones, the ones that look like success from the outside but feel messy on the inside, that self-kindness matters most.

What self-kindness actually looks like for working mums

We’ve been sold a version of self-kindness that looks calm, aesthetic and controlled. A bath. A candle. A quiet moment.

And while I’m absolutely not saying no to any of those, they are not where most working mums live. Real life looks more like back to back demands, WhatsApp messages piling up, a brain that won’t switch off, and a to-do list that seems to grow faster than you can clear it.

Especially if you’re building something. A business. A career. A life with more freedom and financial security.

Self-kindness in that reality does not look polished. It looks like catching yourself mid-spiral and choosing a different response. The “shoulding” that drives overwhelm

One of the biggest drains on our energy is not what we have to do. It’s the narrative running alongside it.

• I should be doing more.

• I should be handling this better.

• I should have figured this out by now.

That constant “shoulding” creates pressure that no amount of productivity can solve.

Because even when you are doing well, your brain moves the goalposts. This week has been a perfect example.

Externally, progress. Internally, a voice saying it’s not enough. Self-kindness is not about ignoring that voice. It’s about noticing it, sitting with it, and not automatically believing everything it says. And also, not completely dismissing it either. There is often something useful in there… just not in the tone it’s delivered in. Dropping balls without dropping yourself Let’s be honest.

When you’re a working mum building something alongside everything else, balls will drop.

A message goes unanswered. A form gets forgotten. You miss something you meant to do.

Old pattern?

Spiral. Why did I do that. I should be better than this. I’ve messed it up.

New pattern, and this is where self-kindness becomes a leadership behaviour:

Pause. Acknowledge it. Correct what you can. Move on. No character assassination required.

Because the goal is not perfection. It’s sustainability. Letting go of perfect without lowering your standards. This is where people get nervous.

“If I’m kinder to myself, won’t I let things slide?”

In my experience, the opposite is true. Self-criticism might get short bursts of action. But self-kindness creates consistency. Because when you are not constantly fighting yourself, you have more energy to make better decisions, stay in the game, and build something that actually lasts.

This is especially true for ambitious working mums.

You are not lacking standards. You are often operating with standards that are unrealistically high across every area of life at once. Self-kindness allows you to prioritise those standards, rather than trying to meet all of them simultaneously.

Why kindness in the moment matters more than consistency

We often think self-kindness needs to be consistent to count.

A perfect routine. Daily habits. Doing it properly.

But real life doesn’t work like that. Especially not when you are navigating motherhood and career.

Self-kindness is built in moments.

• The moment you choose not to beat yourself up.

• The moment you recognise you are at capacity.

• The moment you decide something can wait.

• The moment you speak to yourself with a bit more understanding.

• Those moments compound.

And they are far more powerful than a perfectly executed routine you cannot sustain.

This is what self-kindness looks like right now

Right now, for me, self-kindness looks like something that might not make sense from the outside.

It looks like pausing.

After a week that, on paper, looks like a huge success, I am choosing to take a beat. Not because I don’t care. Not because I’m not ambitious.

But because my head is full.

There is a lot moving. A lot landing. A lot I am processing. And I’ve realised something important. I don’t want to support other people from a place of reactivity or underlying chaos.

So for now, I am pausing on my group programme.

That is not easy to say. There is a part of me that says I should ride the momentum. I should capitalise on this moment. I should be doing more. But for me, right now, self-kindness looks like making a different call.

It looks like creating space.

Because I also have a 24 hour charity event coming up in May, more on that very soon, and I want to show up to that in a way that is grounded, intentional and fully present. Not stretched. Not reactive. Not running on empty.

This is what I mean when I say self-kindness is leadership.

You do not have to earn self-kindness

Self-kindness is not something you earn once everything is done. It is what allows you to keep going while everything is happening. Especially in the moments that feel messy, uncertain, overwhelming, or not quite how you thought they would feel. Right now, that is the work I am focused on.

If this resonates, there are two simple ways to take this further.

You can complete my Self-Kindness Matrix diagnostic to get a clearer picture of where you are currently operating and where small shifts could make a big difference.

Or you can join The Kindness Chronicles, my newsletter where I share honest reflections, practical tools, and what I am learning in real time about building success without becoming a shell of yourself.

No pressure. Just a place to start.

Because self-kindness isn’t something you get right. It’s something you practise.

And yes, it can be hard.

But if you want to build a life that reflects what success looks like for you and the people that matter most, your all, it is absolutely worth it.

Kim Stokes
Founder | Kindness For Success

Web: www.kindnessforsuccess.co.uk
LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kim-stokes/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kindness.for.success/