Work–Life Balance Isn’t the Answer for Working Mums (Why Living Your All Starts With Where You’re At)

Written By MOB MOBSTER
After my last blog calling bullsh*t on “having it all”, you may have thought:
“Okay… so if it’s not about having it all and more about defining and living YOUR all, are you saying it’s just about better balance?”
No. Most ambitious working mums already know “balance” is a myth. Because balance suggests equal.
And equal suggests static.
Picture a nice set of weighing scales. Or more realistically, a playground see saw perfectly level.
How often does that happen?
Exactly. Nothing about motherhood and career is static.
So why are we still measuring ourselves against something that assumes it should be?


Why Work–Life Balance Sets Working Mums Up to Feel Like They’re Failing

When we picture “balance” as a working mum, we imagine a see saw. Work on one side. Life on the other.
But real life does not sit politely in proportion.
A product launch.
A promotion opportunity.
A sick child.
A school transition.
A friendship fall out.
A financial goal.
An ageing parent.
These things do not queue up and wait their turn.
Balance assumes everything can sit patiently and neatly in place.
Real life doesn’t do this.
And when things inevitably tip, it is very easy to assume it’s us.
“I’ve not got the balance right.”
“I just need to manage it better.”
“Next month will be easier.”
“When they’re both at school it will calm down.”
“Everyone else is coping.”
That toxic narrative creates pressure rather than support.
Balance becomes another standard to meet. Another thing to optimise. Another invisible benchmark we feel we are failing at.
And for many ambitious mums, that pressure quietly fuels burnout.

The Real Question Isn’t Balance. It’s What’s Realistic Right Now.

Instead of asking:
“How do I balance this better?”
What if the question was:
“What is realistic for me right now?”
This question asks you to consider:
  • Where you are right now
  • The capacity you genuinely have
  • The support, or lack of it, around you
  • What matters most in this phase


Not in theory.
Not in an ideal world.
Not when the new job settles down.
Not when the kids are older.
But in your actual, lived reality.
When we apply the same expectations to every stage of motherhood and career, that is what creates friction.
The early years are different from the school years.
The primary years are different from the secondary years.
Building a business is different from maintaining one.
Returning from maternity leave is different from pushing for senior leadership (and of COURSE both can be true)


Yet we often expect ourselves to perform at the same level across all of it.
That isn’t balance. That’s self-pressure dressed up as ambition.

From “Having It All” to Living Your All

In my last blog, I talked about flipping the narrative from having it all to living your all.
Living your all means asking:
  • Given things right now, what is my priority?
  • Where does my energy create the most impact?
  • What am I willing AND not willing to carry?


For some working mums building businesses, it might mean a focused period of growth. That could mean more childcare support, a cleaner, and fewer social commitments.
For others, it might mean leaning into opportunities at work while deliberately protecting increased family time because of current circumstances.
For someone returning to work, it might mean pausing to redefine what success looks like now.
This is NOT about shrinking ambition.
This is about building ambition in a way that doesn’t lead to burnout. It’s about sustainable success.

Different Phases Require Different Choices

One of the biggest traps ambitious mums fall into is believing consistency means sameness.
It took me until the grand age of 44 (and a half to channel the kids) to realise consistency is about direction, not intensity.
There will be times when work needs more of you.
Times when home does.
Times when your wellbeing must take centre stage.
Living YOUR all is about adjusting without guilt.
Not labelling yourself “bad at balance” because life needs to shift.
Not clinging to an outdated version of success because you feel you should.
Not pushing through exhaustion just to prove something.
That’s how we reduce the mental load.
That’s how we avoid burnout.


Self-Kindness Is What Makes Sustainable Success Possible

Here is where this connects to my core belief.
You can’t make grounded decisions from a place of self-criticism.
If your internal voice is constantly saying:
“You should be doing more.”
“You’re dropping the ball.”
“Other mums manage this.”
You will default to overextending.
Self-kindness allows you to:
  • Assess your capacity honestly.
  • Adjust expectations without guilt.
  • Make decisions rooted in sustainability rather than comparison.


With the support of my Self-Kindness Matrix, I help women identify where they are operating from pressure instead of intention and where small, intentional shifts can reduce the mental load without compromising ambition.
Because balance is not the answer.
Self-leadership is.
And self-leadership requires self-kindness.

Fulfilment Comes From Working With Reality, Not Fighting It

The women I work with do not lack drive. More often than not, they lack permission.
Permission to:
  • Redefine success in a given period.
  • Pursue financial security without abandoning their wellbeing.
  • Build careers and businesses that reflect their current life.
  • Stop measuring themselves against an impossible ideal.
If you constantly feel out of balance, I would bet my last Rolo it is not because you are failing.
It is more likely because you are applying an old narrative of success to a life that is not static.
Living your all starts with where you are.
Not where you were.
Not where you think you should be.
Not where someone else is.
Where YOU are.
…………………………………

About Kim: Supporting Working Mums to Build Sustainable Success

I’m Kim, a coach, working mum, former HR leader and founder of Kindness for Success. I support overwhelmed, ambitious working mums to reduce the mental load, redefine success on their own terms, and move from frantic to fulfilled, without sacrificing their wellbeing.

If you’d like to explore what your all could look like:

You can also subscribe to The Kindness Chronicles, my newsletter for honest reflections and practical tools for modern working motherhood, with self-kindness at the heart.

MOB MOBSTER
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